Old News: Guinness is Good for You

Another blast from my blogging past, this one from a long time ago in a Livejournal far, far away: Alec Guinness on Star Wars, The Simpsons, syphilis, and Marlene Dietrich’s alien lover.

[Edited to add: Hey, Carrie Fisher has a blog!]

Guinness is Good for You

(Originally published December 6, 2002.)

I had some time to kill on campus the other day, so I parked myself in a comfy chair in Lamont Library and read A Positively Final Appearance, by Alec Guinness. It’s Guinness’ journal for the last few years of his life. I recommend it; like him, it was funny and wise and occasionally laser-sharp and only a little bit sad. The 80-something Guinness was, as we all know, weary of his unshakeable association with Obi-Wan Kenobi, but still plugged in to the popular culture: he was addicted to The Simpsons and had good things to say about the Leo diCaprio / Claire Danes version of Romeo and Juliet. There are lots of funny stories in there, in the Peter O’Toole-esque raconteur vein. In fact O’Toole and Guinness were buddies, from the same generation of gin-soaked British actors up to absolutely no good. Highlights include:

  • The story of a scandalous stage production of Peter Pan in the 1930s in which Nana contracted syphilis from an affair with Smee. (NB: Nana was the dog.)
  • The fact that Marlene Dietrich used to drive out into the California desert every New Year’s Eve for a date with “a well set up gentleman from outer space”—when Guinness asked Dietrich what the spaceman looked like, she said, “Handsome, darling, and dressed all in silver.”
  • Some nice, unfashionable fondness for the Royal Family, and impatience with the beatification of Princess Diana.
  • And, of course, the following oft-told tale:

A refurbished Star Wars in on somewhere or everywhere. I have no intention of revisiting any galaxy. I shrivel inside each time it is mentioned. Twenty years ago, when the film was first shown, it had a freshness, also a sense of moral good and fun. Then I began to be uneasy at the influence it might be having. The bad penny dropped in San Francisco when a sweet-faced boy of twelve told me that he had seen Star Wars over a hundred times. His elegant mother nodded with approval. Looking into the boy’s eyes I thought I detected little star-shells of madness beginning to form and I guessed that one day they would explode.

‘I would like you to do something for me,’ I said.

‘Anything! Anything!’ the boy said rapturously.

‘You won’t like what I’m going to ask you to do,’ I said.

‘Anything, sir, anything!’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘do you think you could promise never to see Star Wars again?’

He burst into tears. His mother drew herself up to an immense height. ‘What a dreadful thing to say to a child!’ she barked, and dragged the poor child away. Maybe she was right, but I just hope the lad, now in his thirties, is not living in a fantasy world of secondhand, childish banalities.

“A fantasy world of secondhand, childish banalities.” That ought to be the tag line for my website!

I love that story. I’m going to start telling it, and end with the punch line, “… and that boy grew up to be … me.”


  1. and end with the punch line, “… and that boy grew up to be …”

    ME!” *hysterical cackling that declines into sobbing *

  2. You sir, are being nostalgic over your own nostalgia. Sure, it made me laugh just like it did the first time, but these positive feedback loops, well, you’ll end up eating your own head or something. I’d be more harsh, but yesterday I rewatched Revenge o’ deah Siff [and to make matters worse, I enjoyed it [or at least enjoyed disliking it.]]

    Semi-relatedly, the Guinness story reminded me of The Simpsons episode “Lisa The Iconoclast [S07E16] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701155/ . The commentary has Yeardly Smith telling how she approached Donald Sutherland, “Hi, you may not remember me, but we’ve acted together before in “Heaven Help Us http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089264/ .” Hearing this, Donald Sutherland went white, as she had brought up something he had clearly tried very hard to forget.

  3. You’d think after realising his mistake with the Kwai River bridge that he’d think his actions through before blindly plunging into subsequent projects?

    “If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine…” [realises cheesy line, internalises:]”…what have I done?” (falls onto a Death Star self-destruct button in hopes of ending the trilogy early)

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